No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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