morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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