When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was like eating out sand paper
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
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No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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