thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe