3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone