You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.