He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am midnight drunk by noon
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
