as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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