you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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