best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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