he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
