I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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