some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
