So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
