I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
