spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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