I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
