If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
