I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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