I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
you never un-have a 4some
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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