New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
