she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
