I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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