Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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