Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
