I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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