you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
