I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
