Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
