We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
