youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
