I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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