this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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