He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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