So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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