I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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