Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
