My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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