thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We are all done wearing pants today
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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