What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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