dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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