Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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