omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
