a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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