so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
