we have pet lesbian snakes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
