I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
