My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
