So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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