I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
