No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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