She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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