dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
