hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
