i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We need a shit load of segways right now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
