I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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