I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
