i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
