If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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