Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
