Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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