Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
