Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
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Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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