I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
