Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
