Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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