We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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