I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
