super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
