I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
