Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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