True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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